If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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