i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
