I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
