I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
