True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
