Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
