I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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