he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
