Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
