Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
