i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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