Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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