i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wear drunk well.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
