when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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