It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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