What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
