Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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