I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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