Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
