I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My cat gives me a boner
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize