He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
