im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
