please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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