Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize