that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
