when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
