fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
