he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
