This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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