You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I supernannyed him into submission
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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