while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
