i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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