I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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