I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
