So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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