Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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