three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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