I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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