youre lurking in front of me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
