my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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