I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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