My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
