Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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