You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
