my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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