i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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