Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
