biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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