i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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