If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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