Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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