How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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