When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
