I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
