When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
