got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We left an ass print on the piano.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
