Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
