now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize