so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
