i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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