i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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