I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
