That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
