...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize