Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
