I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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