last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
