scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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