there was a trapeze. enough said
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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