I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
