we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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