It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize