I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
