my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize