That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
