My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
