last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
