Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
