Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
