I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
