my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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