just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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