Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
