So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize