remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
