you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
