Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
