I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
