i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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