I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let the clothes fall where they may.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
