It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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