Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize