if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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