Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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