Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
