Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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