Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
