I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im part way to drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
